How Can You Know So.much if Youve Never Struggled?

Function of Kathy Caprino's series "The Nigh Powerful You"

Several years ago, I offered a survey to my subscribers and community exploring a number of critical life and career questions. At that time, over 1,000 people responded either publicly or privately to me, and their answers were riveting. And in working with professionals from around the globe who are from all walks of life and represent a broad range of demographics, socioeconomic backgrounds, education levels, cultures, and industries, I hear start-manus what people deeply long for simply struggle to attain and experience. What'due south so intriguing about these responses is that it's more obvious with each passing twelvemonth that the things nosotros humans badly want are not only universal and timeless, but also have become even more elusive and challenging to achieve and sustain, fifty-fifty equally we "evolve" and develop in this tech-frenzied, time-pressured world.

The central question this survey probed was this:

"If y'all could say in one word what you want more of in life, what would that be?"

Of all the things people indicated they want more of, the post-obit were the eight mentioned most frequently.Hither's the listing and my personal take, equally a career coach and former therapist and researcher who's spent 38 years in professional life, on what's missing in life and work today, and why we can't go enough of these elusive aspects and experiences.

The quotes beneath are from bodily respondents, about what they perceive to be the biggest challenge in the way of what they're longing for. Every bit you read through this list below, I encourage you to recall deeply nearly your own accurate answers to this question about what y'all securely want more than of today:

# 1: HAPPINESS

Biggest challenge: "I just not happy but I tin't figure out what I want or what to practice about it."

The top-mentioned missing chemical element – Happiness – has become then hard to accomplish, and even harder to maintain. In my piece of work with professionals, I've seen that happiness continually escapes them considering, commencement and most importantly, they don't have a grasp on what will make them truly happy. They simply don't know themselves well at all.

Secondly, they search outside themselves for happiness – in a job, a partner, a family, a title, a paycheck, an impressive house, and more. As a effect, happiness is constantly out of their control and is a perpetually moving target that never stands still long plenty for them to grasp. I'thou not saying that these things don't bring happiness – of class, they can, if the way nosotros view these things is positive and life-affirming. The key point is that if everything yous're searching for remains exterior of you, you'll always be chasing and scrambling.

#2: MONEY

Biggest challenge:"I don't have enough coin to attain the things I want to do."

I've worked with millionaires, as well as people who earn mid-half dozen figures and far, far less. Isn't it fascinating that no matter what nosotros earn, so many people feel they never have enough? I know people with literally several million dollars in their retirement accounts, nonetheless they live in a constant fearfulness state effectually money that they never have a moment's peace and can't enjoy spending for anything, fifty-fifty for family unit vacations that are supposed to be blithesome.

The cardinal question to address is: "How much money do you really need to bring almost the life experiences that volition truly fulfill you?" And if you long for more money, do you empathise the primal principles, behaviors and mindsets required to generate it? Finally, do you sympathize your ain money story and how you habitually operate with money that might be keeping you from generating more money and sustaining financial growth?

#iii: FREEDOM

Biggest claiming: "I don't have the freedom or control in my life to pursue my 'true purpose' or the management I want to."

Ah, freedom. We all want information technology, yet so many people I run into are resistant to doing what's required to really get it.

Nosotros desire to "feel" free, all the same are scared to death to muster the courage to do what's necessary to "become" free.

What is necessary to experience freedom? I've seen that it requires making yourself "right" (and not doubting yourself at every turn and making yourself wrong virtually what yous retrieve and want), and following your ain authentic values and beliefs. It requires building stronger, healthier boundaries to protect yourself from caving into other people's demands that aren't in your best interest, and releasing yourself from "perfectionistic overfunctioning" every day of your life. And it takes forging your own path in life and piece of work, despite the challenges and the naysayers. Information technology requires "finding brave" and mustering the power and backbone to make yourself your own highest authority on life and work, and that'southward no piece of cake matter today. Sadly, most of us aren't taught or trained (particularly women) how to stand up up powerfully for what we want and believe in, and to become after it with undying passion and delivery.

Here's more well-nigh the ten means to find brave in gild to create the power, impact and liberty you long for.

#4: PEACE

Biggest challenge: "I have no sense of peace at all in my life. I'thou constantly worried and anxious about what I'1000 doing, who I am, and where my life is going."

We long for peace, desperately. Peace from dissonance, chatter, pressure, responsibilities. Peace from people who disturb and acrimony usa. Peace from the strife and conflict in the world around us. And peace from the fears we concur inside most our wellness, health, safety and security.

Nosotros also want peace from the painful thumping inside our own heads – the conflicts and strain we inflict on ourselves every minute to be better, stronger, smarter (prettier, thinner, better parents, _______ [you fill in the bare]).

Peace, I've institute, doesn't come from being better at anything, or even figuring annihilation out.

Attaining peace is a practice that we need to cultivate and commit to, regardless of what'southward going on around y'all. Peace in today'south times will never just fall in our laps – it'southward likewise chaotic and fractured a earth. We accept to carve out space within ourselves and in our lives and everyday behaviors to bring forward the experience of peace, and so do the work to expand peace every bit a feeling and experience that we'll commit to daily, regardless of what's around united states.

And you lot don't have to know "your purpose" to exist at peace – yous just have to commit to being at peace, and to edifice daily practices that will back up that delivery. Once you can experience more peace, the answers to many of your well-nigh called-for questions such every bit "what is life purpose?" or "what should I do with my career?" will start to become clearer.

#5: JOY

Biggest claiming:"No matter what I exercise, I just tin't find a fashion to experience joy in my life or work, or build the right types of relationships that volition bring me joy ."

For many people who feel they have no joy in their lives, "joy" isn't the real problem. Information technology's the procedure of how they're living that'south getting in the way of their joy.

When they start stepping upwards to believing in their own worth, value and importance, when they begin to honey and accept themselves more than fully, then things start to transform. When they take dauntless action that helps them recognize their own great potential and pursue it, joy becomes more accessible.

I accept seen that nosotros just cannot experience joy on a regular basis if the piece of work we practise pains u.s.a. or if the relationships we've formed don't support the states. After all, the nature of the context in which we live – and the ecosystems we've chosen to participate in – will directly touch our well-being, health and joy.

So if you lot're stuck in situations (at work or at home) that are painful for yous, with people who don't respect you, and you're continually supporting outcomes and behaviors that feel wrong to you, so your life equally a whole can't assist only be joyless.

Joy comes from the process of condign more of who y'all already are, non suppressing it. Discover that and honor it, and you lot'll exist on your mode to a more joyful, fulfilling life.

To feel more joy, it'due south important to understand your own authentic activeness fashion (here's more near that) and to recognize the key factors that 1) motivate you to pursue a certain goal and 2) the central behavioral fashion you adopt to take to achieve those goals. (Hither's my quiz to aid with that.) Once we know our styles and find work and relationships that respect those styles, joy flows more than hands.

#6: Residue

Biggest challenge: "I tin't find a way to balance my piece of work with my personal life or juggle what I want to practice with what I have to do."

I've researched work-life balance extensively, and believe that it'south doable only under one condition: that yous understand clearly what your top life priorities are, and you defend and honor those priorities fiercely, every minute of the day. It takes understanding your not-negotiables (what you won't compromise on, what y'all won't say "yes" to), and so living from that noesis, and making the right decisions that align with your meridian life priorities. If you can't do that, you lot tin't create or sustain balance.

#7: FULFILLMENT

Biggest challenge: "I don't experience fulfilled in what I'm doing, but I don't recall I have a choice about what to do most information technology."

One definition of fulfillment that I discover helpful is this:"Satisfaction or happiness equally a result of fully developing one's abilities or character."

Nosotros simply can't experience fulfillment if we're not living upwards to our own authentic values or aligning our behavior with what nosotros know to exist adept and true. Have you ever settled for something much less than yous know you lot want or deserve? It hurts – a lot.

Simply to alive in alignment with what we value, we accept to leave our comfort zones behind, and mayhap even leave backside the definition we've crafted of who nosotros retrieve we are (even what nosotros recollect our "accurate" self is), and the stories we tell ourselves about what we're capable of, so that we can go the person we dream to be. We may too demand to leave some people and relationships backside (the ones that don't support us to soar higher and grow because it threatens them).

Fulfillment is possible when you lot are filling up your cup, honoring your ain values, beliefs and potential, non forsaking yourself by putting anybody else in front of you. Fulfillment comes when y'all take brave actions that say "yes" to the hereafter vision of you, even well earlier it'southward "hatched."

#8: CONFIDENCE

Biggest challenge:"My conviction has been rocked and I feel and then insecure and unsure well-nigh my abilities. I don't remember I have annihilation important to offer anymore."

I've seen that nosotros humans merely see what'southward at the tip of our noses. When we're in situations that are hurtful, demeaning, challenging and worse, nosotros lose confidence and our self-esteem is often damaged. We get rocked and we stay rocked. We forget who nosotros are, and what we are capable of, and run across only the boss in front of u.s.a. who's yelling or the colleague or family member who's vehement united states down.

Hither'south more nearly how the past tin can exist traumatizing for many of united states of america, and how we often permit those past experiences to keep to shape us:

Sadly, many millions of people effectually the world have been raised and culturally and societally trained in ways that degrade their sense of cocky-confidence. We're ofttimes taught that it's not advisable to think for ourselves, and we shouldn't follow our own path if it conflicts with the values of our "tribe." In curt, we're taught non to believe that we can govern our own lives well if we don't listen to our authority figures, family members, teachers and others effectually u.s.a.. Parental and societal training that keeps u.s.a. stuck living someone else's life is extremely damaging and severely limits our potential and our happiness.

Confidence comes from doing the hard things that brand yous say "If I tin can practice that, I can do annihilation!" And confidence is built from actions that admit who we really are, and not shying away from information technology.

* * * * * * * *

As nosotros're seeing today through the pandemic, the reality is that information technology's a tough world out there, with many challenges we were simply not prepared to face. But throughout those challenges, there are countless ways we can build our strength, confidence and joy, and aggrandize our abilities. Despite the challenges, we can foster our self-esteem and ignite our passions for life and work. Nosotros have within us the ability to build the lives we dream of.

What ane matter do you desire more than of in your life, and what ane dauntless microstep tin can you lot have this week to feel it?

Kathy Caprino is a career and leadership coach, speaker, host of the Finding Dauntless podcast, and the author of the new book The Most Powerful You lot: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths to Career Elation . She helps professional women build their best careers through her Career & Leadership Quantum  programs and resources.

To acquire more about yourself and your professional person journey, and your ultimate professional person values, needs and wants, download Kathy's free Career Path Self-Assessment here.

How Can You Know So.much if Youve Never Struggled?

Source: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/top-8-things-people-deeply-long-struggle-attain-kathy-caprino

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